An upsetting interaction happens online. You put down your phone or close the browser…but a few minutes later, you check again.
Has anyone else commented? Has the post been shared? Did someone respond? Where else might it have appeared? That urge to keep checking can be particularly difficult after cyberbullying because, unlike an unpleasant face-to-face encounter, the situation may continue to develop after the initial interaction is over.
Cyberbullying can involve viral repetition and widespread sharing, allowing harmful content to reach new audiences and potentially take on a life of its own. As a result, stepping away from the technology may not necessarily feel like stepping away from the threat.
When Technology Becomes Part of the Stress
One concept that can help explain this experience is technostress, the difficulty of managing the demands associated with technology use. Following cyberbullying, this can include what researchers call techno-invasion, the sense of being constantly connected and reachable through technology.
The pattern can be insidious: refresh, check, refresh. Where did the post go? Who has seen it now? What might happen next?
For helping professionals, those questions may carry professional as well as personal concerns. An online attack can lead to worries that content will go viral, attract broader attention, or be seen by clients. And because email, social media, and other digital tools may also be part of one’s work, simply disconnecting from technology altogether may not be realistic. That can create a difficult paradox: The technology you may need to monitor the situation is also the technology keeping you connected to it.
Creating a Pause
Responding to that stress doesn’t necessarily mean becoming calm or ignoring what’s happening. In fact, there is an important distinction to keep in mind: Self-regulation is not the same thing as calmness. Some situations don’t call for a calm response. Instead, self-regulation can mean creating enough of a pause to make an intentional decision about what comes next.
Do you need to check again right now? If there is no meaningful action you can take to directly address the situation, then the best action you can take is to step away and give yourself a chance to regroup.
Cyberbullying can make it feel as though something is happening everywhere, all at once, and that you must keep watching it happen. Understanding how technology itself can become part of the stress may be a first step toward deciding when to engage, when to seek support, and when to give yourself permission to look away.